|What Is And What Should Never Be: Part Eight.
||[Sep. 24th, 2010|02:06 am]
For Lovers Of Jimmy Page
It's been TWO YEARS but I've finally finished the next part of my fanfic. I hope you all enjoy it!|
Just as promised, within a day, Robert was back on the road, out of the country and out of my life again. At first I was too taken in by friends and relatives, my parents especially, and busy to much notice his absence. Even at night when a wife might get lonely, I had little Thalia to occupy me with her sobs for food or comfort. I was too active to even think of other things. All the times that Robert called even, I seemed to either be up to something or out of the house.
And then the day before it would be a week since he went back to the United States, we finally got to talk and I realized it- I missed him terribly. From then on every night I’d lay in our bed, in an almost vacant house clutching his pillow to be which still lingered with his scent. I longed to have his arms surrounding me again, making me feel safe and secure. His kisses would quench the fire building inside me. And only his words could contradict the fear and doubt that plagued my mind. When I realized again how alone I really was at that time, I recalled to mind the pain I had endured in my heart when the truth of their times away from home was revealed to me. I knew what the other band members did while away from their significant others and turned a blind eye to it, but not my Robert; this was the second time we were apart and the last time temptation had reared its ugly head, sending questions to me. Had Robert been lying to me when he said it was a mistake that he had cheated on me before? If he had, did that mean he would have no problem doing it again if the chance came to him? I had to be realistic and conclude that he would. I had already seen some of the partying the band, especially Bonzo and Jimmy, got up to on tour and I knew inducement could and would strike at any time for Robert. Girls were practically throwing themselves at him so as it was, let alone when I wasn’t around. He would barely have to think twice before he could be in bed with another woman, or in some other lurid sex act. But whether or not it was to my own determent, I had to trust him for my own sanity. I had to believe that he was doing the right thing.
But I also wasn’t going to take any more chances. So I called up Peter with a proposition; I asked him if it would at all be possible for me to join the band on tour at that time. He consented and Robert seemed overjoyed at the plan. Soon I was on a plane set for L.A. and the Riot House. Meanwhile, Thalia was left in the willing and capable hands of her grandparents.
During the flight, I turned my attention to the inevitable thought- now that I was going to be back around the band, I was going to have to communicate with Jimmy. My thoughts had rarely turned to him since Thalia’s birth; either I was too busy or Robert was on my mind. While there was distance between us, I could say that he had no affect on me, no power over me. But when we were together in the same room, we were like magnets and the attraction couldn’t be denied. I couldn’t help but let my mind wonder through the memories I had; crying out in lust, running my fingers through his dark mane, his eyes penetrating mine, his fingers seeming to be everywhere. I shifted in my seat and looked out the plane window, picturing instead Thalia’s blue eyes smiling up at me, and the eyes they stemmed from, my husband’s. The eyes that looked on me with such love and admiration my heart would burst. I kept that image of him in front of me as I relaxed once more for the long flight.
Landing at LAX, I had barely slept as my thoughts betrayed me and Jimmy roamed back in, filling up any dreams I had with so much desire I could hardly stand it. Nothing helped. So I walked off the plane in quite a daze and I thought my heart would stop when I saw who was waiting for me outside the terminal- Robert and Jimmy both stood there with big smiles on their faces.
“Jules baby!” Robert exclaimed when he saw me. I could feel my face go from pale white to a red blush as he hugged me tightly and planted a kiss on my lips, “I’m so glad to see you.”
When he let me go I turned to Jimmy, who suddenly looked a bit shy, more now than he did when we’d first met all those years ago, “Hi Jimmy.”
“Hello Juliet,” he replied softly and embraced me gently. I closed my eyes and took in his scent briefly.
I looked at him, “I expected to see Robert and Richard when I arrived, so this is quite a surprise!”
He stared at me quizzically until it seemed that by ‘Richard’ I’d meant the road manager Richard Cole and then looked over me to Robert. I felt him approach me from behind and hug me to him, “Well Jimmy wanted to come and see you with me before you entered out little piece of paradise at the Riot House.” He grabbed for my bags and started walking to the exit, to which Jimmy and I followed, “Anyway, Cole is outside with the car.” I nodded; I did wonder how Jimmy had managed this without causing questions, but it didn’t really matter.
Inside the car on the ride to the hotel, things were silent. I sat between the two of them, my hand firmly in Robert’s. He didn’t stop smiling; it was as if he was lit from within. He turned to me then after at least five minutes of nothing.
“So how’s our little girl?” he asked playing with my hand in his.
I smiled, “She’s well. I don’t even think you’d recognize her if you saw her- a full head of blonde hair now. She grins a lot and has been sleeping through the nights for me the past week. She’s a good baby; I hope she is for my parents too.”
“I’m sure she will be,“ Robert stated. A sudden frown took over his face, “I’m going to see her more Jules, I swear. After this tour is over we’ll have time off and I’ll spend every waking minute with the two of you.” I nodded; I knew he’d at least try. Robert traced down my cheek to my lips with his fingers and smiling, he kissed me deeply. With one hand behind my shoulders and one on my leg, we continued our make out session and I tried to push the man on the other side of me from my mind, even as I felt him shift in his seat, mostly likely uncomfortable in his current situation.
When we finally arrived at the hotel, all the former memories of being there began flooding back. I tried not to show it on my face walking in; the time at the pool with Robert, the rendezvous after that with Jimmy. It was all there, almost as if waiting to be picked up where left off. I was the one who had to choose who my next memory would be with.
“Jules!” Bonzo exclaimed as we entered the large suite. He ran over and enveloped me in a bear hug, “I’ve missed you!”
“Aw thanks, I’m glad to be back,” I replied smiling.
Robert put an arm around me and maneuvered us towards the food and drinks that were readily available, but not before I heard a female voice behind me. ‘I thought you’d never be back,’ it said as I turned to look for its source. The girl was young, couldn’t have been more than a teenager, with beautiful dark hair and eyes and a big smile. She was talking to Jimmy when she said this and he just smiled and whispered something to her as they walked away.
“Who’s that?” I questioned while still putting a few things on a plate.
“Oh that’s Lori, she’s kind of Jimmy’s girlfriend in L.A.,” Robert replied as nonchalantly as he would if talking about a new lamp in the room. I felt slightly stabbed to the heart- girlfriend? Shamed filled me as I realized I was jealous not only for Charlotte, but also for myself. Especially for myself. I narrowed my gaze, critiquing everything about the girl who was fawning over Jimmy- she was small built, barely hitting puberty. And giggling at everything he said. UGH. I was tired of her already and we hadn’t even met. I hoped we wouldn’t.
Robert and I sat down on the nearest couch where John Paul Jones also was, “Hey Juliet, love. How’s little Thalia?”
“She’s wonderful John, thanks for asking. Just beginning to sit up actually, growing very fast,” I replied. I felt Robert shift his weight next to me; we’d known each other so long I could read his body language- guilt was riddling him. He then confirmed it by standing up and getting himself a strong drink.
Downing it quickly, he approached me, “Juliet, why don’t we go back to my room? You must be quite exhausted.”
I finished with my plate, got up and threw it in the trash, “I am a little jetlagged. Let’s go.” I had lied. I knew exactly what this was about, and I wasn’t past it happening. I loved my husband. And watching Jimmy with that Lori person made me want to get my lust out even more so.
Robert and I quickly escaped to his room and hung the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the door. I was in his arms before long, wrapping my legs around his midsection as we collapsed on the bed. It wasn’t two minutes before we’d ripped each other’s clothes clean off and were making love like wild cats. He was even more vocal then I this time around, and I felt more than gratified by it; I felt like a queen!
“So the baby’s really doing well?” Robert asked once we lay still. I was laying on my back as he gently ran his fingers down my chest and abdomen, breathing deeply.
“Mm hm. Don’t worry, I speak of you all the time, even play a few records for her.”
“Well don’t ruin her hearing too early dear!” he said smiling, putting his head down to kiss my ear. I chuckled.
“She needs to hear your voice,” I stated.
Robert’s face grew dark, “She will. Soon. Once this tour is over I’ll be home for a break, or at the very least recording an album so I’ll be around.” He buried his face in my shoulder and I knew he was trying not to cry, “Do you have any pictures?” I nodded and went to my purse, digging out my wallet. Robert grinned at the little girl in the photos, “She looks so much like you!”
“Ah, but has your golden mane,” I replied.
Robert turned and kissed me then, taking me in his arms, “I’ve really missed you Juliet. I love you so.”
An hour or so after this, Robert had to leave to rehearse for the concert of that night. I meanwhile stayed in bed, relishing in the time alone, away from both husband and baby. About another hour later, an alarm went off on the bedside table and I realized Robert had set it for me, signifying he wanted me at the concert, not that I didn’t want to be there myself. I got up and showered, and then prepped myself for the night. I ended up wearing a black dress with white paisley flowers on it, a gift from my mother which was both stylish and more mature for my motherhood. I felt older anyway, not having yet lost all I’d gained in pregnancy. But I still thought I looked pretty good.
The phone rang as I was putting the finishing touches on my makeup, “Hello?”
“Jules it’s me. Listen, I can’t make it back in time to get you, but I’ve arranged for a car to take you to the arena. It should be available in a few minutes. Does that sound good?”
“Oh yes, thank you honey. I’ll be down presently and seeing you soon.”
“Ok, bye!” Robert and I both hung up and I looked myself over in the mirror once more, smiling at myself in approval. Grabbing my handbag, I exited the room. Going to the lobby, I then spoke to the concierge about the car and was directed to it outside the hotel’s entrance.
The ride to the stadium was about half an hour, so I had plenty of time to think along the way. I started to think about the venue and when or if I had ever been there before. And then it hit me, a sense of having been here before. This night was starting out exactly like that night I first cheated on Robert with Jimmy! A knot developed in my stomach as I thought about it. If Jimmy had his way, I was almost sure the same thing would happen. But despite my lingering feelings for him, I was determined to have none of that. Clearly he had found a play thing in this Lori person and I had more than Robert to think of now, there was Thalia also. She was the most important person in my life now.
When I got to the concert hall, I was welcomed by many people in the road crew and such that I hadn’t seen for about a year; it was nice to be back. I headed straight for the dressing room marked for Robert and opened door. As once before, he wasn’t there, but sitting at the vanity, I found Jimmy Page. Wonderful, I thought, let’s get this out of way.
“Have I mentioned how lovely you are looking Jules? Motherhood has really grown on you,” Jimmy said approaching me.
“Thank you,” I replied coldly, standing my ground.
Jimmy stood in front of me now and brushed a stray hair behind my ear, “Come on Juliet, do we have to play these games?” He leaned in to kiss me and I pulled away, but then changed my mind. I’d like to see how time had changed me and if any sparks flew between the two of us again, so I kissed him softly. He smiled at me, “Just as I remember.”
Jimmy tried to kiss me again but I backed away, “No Jimmy.”
He looked in my eyes, “Why not? You were always forth coming before.”
Jimmy moved toward me again and I stopped him with a hand to his chest, “Things change. Anyway, what about Lori?”
“She means virtually nothing to me,” he replied.
My mouth gaped open, “How can you be so cruel? She’s a child and you’re playing with her heart!”
He smirked, turning away slightly, “She knows exactly what she’s doing.”
“I don’t believe all that. Even if she is here, it doesn’t mean she’s matured to the facts of the situation she and you have put her in. What happens when you leave L.A.?”
“Then… what was, was, and that’s all.”
I was angry now, “Bollocks! Maybe for you, but certainly not for her. How can you be so selfish?”
Jimmy looked at me, “How can you stand there and act all self righteous to ME, of all people Juliet? You never had the courage to say no either,”
I slapped him across the face, “That was in the past.” I moved for the door and turned the knob.
“Sure it was, “Jimmy said and I exited the dressing room, fuming.
Taking in the concert, I was still furious with Jimmy. I couldn’t believe him. How could the same man that had a daughter of his own, that had said all those love sick things to me, how could he be this way? I watched from a distance, further away the likes of Lori and other groupies did. I didn’t want to be seen. Of course, the concert was amazing as always. The band was spot on and the crowds very into it. For the band as I a whole, I was very proud, but I couldn’t get the dressing room argument out of my mind.
A couple of hours later, we were all finally back at the Riot House and a party was under way and I was determined to get plastered and forget about earlier.
“Jules, can I get you a drink?” Bonzo asked me and I stood near the bar where drinks were being passed out quickly.
“Absolutely, a scotch and coke, and make it a double,” I replied. Bonzo smiled and handed me the drink a minute later. I gulped some of it down right away.
Perusing the party, it was a mad house; people everywhere doing anything and everything you could think of. The only person who wasn’t there was John Paul, who I’d heard had taken to getting a room at a separate hotel to keep himself from the parties and focus on his family. Good for him, I thought.
I sauntered over to where Robert was, a drink in his hand. His arm slid firmly around my midriff, “Great show wasn’t it Jules?”
“Fabulous sweetie,” I replied and kissed him, both out lips sloppy with alcohol.
Robert began to move toward the nearest couch and I followed. We sat and he whispered sweet things in my ears as we drank. When we had both finished our drinks, Robert volunteered to go get us another so I stayed put. On the opposite side of the room, came in Jimmy with Lori on his arm and I felt a fire inside me, the same as earlier that night. As soon as they sat down across from us, Robert came back with my drink and I swallowed it with vigor.
“Geez, honey, I’ve never seen you drink like this!” Robert exclaimed and I finished the glass off.
“I’m thirsty,” I replied, slurring my words a little. I stood up and motioned to Bonzo across the room, “Get us another will you mate?” He nodded and soon I had my third scotch and coke in hand.
Soon after, Peter Grant made an appearance and Robert decided he wanted to talk to him, so I was left alone on the couch. I sipped my drink, feeling it burn in my stomach and my brain getting fuzzy. I relished in it. Eyeing where Jimmy and Lori were, his arm was draped around her and her right hand was practically in his crotch. And there is was again, that trigger in my brain. Jealousy replaced my anger of earlier. I couldn’t help it; as much as I denied it to myself, my demons kept coming back and reminding me. I loved him. My heart ached and another drink came to me.
By this time I was about at my limit, and one I had never hit before, but I knew that for once I was drunk. And more importantly I was drunk enough to tell Jimmy what I really thought of him.
I got up and walked as steadily as I possibly could, which wasn’t at all, over to him and sat on the arm of the couch, “Having a good time?” I looked at Lori as I said it.
“Always,” she replied sharply. Jimmy smiled and kissed her cheek.
My gaze narrowed and Jimmy noticed, “Lori, why don’t you get yourself something to eat or drink, love?” She got up and walked away, and which point Jimmy moved over on the couch and I practically fell where he had been, “Ok, Jules, what’s going on?”
“Nothing, absolutely nothing. Only that I have to sit over there with my husband and act like we’ve never fucked.”
Jimmy’s face froze in shock, “Juliet, you don’t know what you’re saying…”
I grinned at him, “Oh but I do! You must know that I’ve been in love with you from the beginning.”
“And what about Robert?” he inquired, trying to bring me down to a whisper as I was talking quiet loudly.
“OH! Well, of course, I love him! He’s the father of my baby. But you, oh you…” I touched his cheek and moved in, falling on him for a kiss.
“WHAT THE BLOODY FUCKIN’ HELL IS GOING ON HERE?” I heard a voice aside of me. Disengaging from Jimmy, I looked up and saw Robert standing there, a plate of food in his hands, shaking slightly with anger.
“Oh it’s nothing, Juliet’s just smashed man, you know.” Jimmy said, covering for me. But I was having none of that; I had already gone too far and now it was all going to unravel. The truth was coming out.
“Ignore him my dear sweet husband, “I said standing up, “Though I am completely wasted, my mind is quite clear. Jimmy can’t help himself you see, he wants every girl on the planet, even the married ones.”
“Like hell I do! You just threw yourself at me you stupid drunk bitch!”
“Oh but I didn’t start it, if you remember.” I turned to Robert, “You must remember a few years ago when Jimmy took me to the hotel because I was “ill”? Really it was all just so he could have his way with me!”
“You wanted it! You’ve always wanted it!” Jimmy screamed, “You’re as big a slut as any of these girls hanging around here!”
Robert lunged for Jimmy then, taking them both to the floor and punches were thrown. I simply sat myself down again, almost proud and relieved by what I had caused.
“How dare you say those things about Juliet! She’s my fuckin’ wife you bastard!” Robert roared. He punched Jimmy in the nose and blood permeated the carpet.
“And such a wife she is, so true to you!!” Jimmy retorted, getting a punch in Robert’s stomach.
Bonzo suddenly came out of nowhere, along with Richard Cole, and they broke up the fight, each holding one man back.
“Knock it the hell off, both of you!” he yelled, restraining Robert as best as he could.
Robert then turned to me, “Is this true? Juliet, you owe it to me to tell me the truth.” I merely got up and walked over the Jimmy, kissing him passionately as a response. Robert started struggling to get free but Bonzo had a good hold on him, “You bitch!”
“That’s right!” I said, beginning to sob, “Anyway why don’t you ask Bonzo all about it. He walked in on Jimmy and I once!” I began to walk away then, knowing that all the damage possibly had been done. I could hear an argument starting between the two friends, Robert and Bonzo, and that I couldn’t bear. I locked myself in Robert and my room, and ran into the bathroom, promptly vomiting the contents of my stomach into the toilet.
Hours later, I woke up from the cold linoleum floor to hear the room door slam and see Robert walk past. I got up and washed my face at the sink before summoning the courage to go into the main room.
“How could you Juliet?” Robert said softly, sitting on the bed with his head down, “After everything we’ve been through!”
I stood in the doorway to the bathroom in silence. I didn’t have answer; I didn’t know why any of it had happened, nor why I had brought it all to a head that night.
Robert looked up at me, and then walked over to me. He placed a hand on my cheek and ran the other through my dark hair, his face inches from mine. Then tears welled up in his eyes and a sob escaped his lips as he looked away, “I can’t even look at you right now. You disgust me. I feel like my heart’s been ripped out.”
Robert moved for the door and I moved toward him, “I’m sorry.”
He looked back and chuckled, “That doesn’t even begin to cover what you’ve done to us.” He opened the door.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“Why should you care? Why don’t you go over to Jimmy’s room for some pity sex. I’m sure you’re both in need of it.” He slammed the door after him, and I grabbed myself around the stomach, deep sobs coming and tears raining down my face. I fell onto the bed as I was, dress disheveled, makeup smudged, and cried myself to sleep.